The Roles We Play.
When I reflect on my very exciting and rich with diverse experiences life, I remember that for years I rode on an emotional roller coaster of my own design. At the time each new experience always seemed so important and maybe threatening to my sense of self in this world. So responding emotionally seemed imperative, as if not responding emotionally would bring me to my own demise. So I would eagerly react without any hesitation to either the person, or the situation, or my own body in a way that seemed to help me survive. If the particulars of a situation required me to get angry, I would go all the way, until I would find myself enraged, yelling. If feeling down was the thing of the moment, I would dive into an ocean of sadness. If I believed the feelings of uncertainty about myself, I would eagerly take up anxiety as my favorite pass time. Over the years a range of situations provided countless opportunities to practice different emotions as an actor practices a particular character.
‘All the world ‘s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.’
(William Shakespeare, As You Like it Act 2, Scene 7)
In high school my world was turned upside down, when my family was forced to move from the collapse of the Soviet Union, which left so many in a state of emotional panic, financial insecurity, and physical danger. The trauma of those years deeply affected my inner balance and shaped my towards needing to learn resilience. I did not have a ready tool box to turn to whenever something else got broken in my life after that. The only way I knew how to go through a challenge was to surrender to the emotional state completely, until it would pass on its own. The roles I have played over and over, as an unglued manic or depressive, or anxious young woman, trying to make it in this life, would have won me some awards had it been made for films.
When we look at human lives, no matter how dramatic or simple a life story, we recognize the truth in Shakespeare’s famous quote. Each of us is drawn in by some mysterious pull of life to play different roles. These roles are ever changing, as we grow, mature, evolve, and make different choices. All of us at one time or another got so caught up in the role that the emotions literally overwhelm our being and the situation feels like it is going to consume us whole. But once the stormy cloud passes and we can look back with some perspective of time on it, we realize that most of the time all of that emotional energy was a wasted investment, without a return.
Practically every situation, even the most dramatic kind, can be lived through a more balanced way. We do not need to believe that we are these tormented characters in a play to make it to the end of its production. We do not need to absorb the stress of life and internalize it, to seem believable in the current act. The role you are playing today is most likely not the same role you played yesterday, so why not learn to let go of the emotions with ease as we transition from role to role.
- Stop choosing roles that bring extreme emotional highs and lows.
It seems so simple and practical, why choose activities, or commitments which will bring you to an extreme emotional state, unless, you have become and emotional high/low junkie? If your choices are made out of guilt, social norms, or because as much as you complain about being stuck in the emotional roller coaster, you actually love the chemical highs and lows that it provides, then it is time to reevaluate the roles you choose. As you become more reflective, you become more aware of the real reasons you choose something, which means the next step is to choose a healthier option.
- If you are in a role that is bringing up deep and extreme emotions, consider the fact that you are not your emotions.
When you felt the emotions of happiness, complete acceptance by the world, and admiration of all those around you, that was a good day. How about that other day, when everyone seemed to conspire against you on your commute to work, or online in the supermarket, when your peers just didn’t seem to appreciate you at all and your family didn’t notice all the little things you do, that was a hard day, wasn’t it? So, you felt very differently on those days? Which one is the real you? The happy or the sad you? It would seem logical to assume that it was you experiencing happiness and sadness on both occasions. So, then there is a you that lives beyond the emotions, beyond the changing of moods and beyond the unpredictable situations that come up in life. Who is that you who lives beyond? It is the real you.
- Meditation is an important detox strategy for any emotional state.
In my experience meditation is the one space where real awareness can be gained. In meditation we can filter and sort through our emotional and psychological imbalances in a matter of minutes. It is free, it is simple, it requires sitting and breathing. Now who can say that they would not be able to try to simply sit and breathe? You are sitting and breathing right now, as you are reading this blog, and as you are trying to filter and sort your ideas. So what if you turn off the computer, keep sitting straight, and focus on your breathing for a few moments. The first thing you will notices is a number of unruly thoughts and emotions running unchecked through your mind, at this very moment. A situation you are reliving, or a situation you are anticipating, or your emotional like or dislike of what you are reading in this blog. Emotions and thoughts are constantly present in some form. If you do not practice the science and the art of becoming aware of them, you will be immersed in them and in the roles you play, as if it is the reality.
Life begins to feel much more fluid and light when we do not get stuck in a particular emotional state.
